He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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