I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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