He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
