Betty ford says i'm here all night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
