You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
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Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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