If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I will be naked everywhere
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
