she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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