If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
