just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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