I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My vagina just recognized that song.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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