You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
