Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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