You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
