it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
