This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
