Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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