i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
