took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
