Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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