Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
