You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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