So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
