Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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