At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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