i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
