i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
