no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Even my vagina gasped.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
