Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
