Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
