I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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