Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
