Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
