If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
