at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
