There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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