He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
