He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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