Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
