Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
