When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
