New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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