i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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