If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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