Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
