part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
