If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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