OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY