You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only