you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll