Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
