Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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