I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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