Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
