I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
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it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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