My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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