Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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