Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
