His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
