Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
