somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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