She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
