living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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