You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
