READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
