I'm jealous of your bromance
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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