I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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