I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
