I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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