Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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