Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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