i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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