what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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