I bet he comes in French.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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