My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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