there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
