My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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